


A Feast Fit For King and Queen

by TheDeathEcchi



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: F/M, Food, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 02:55:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18379493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeathEcchi/pseuds/TheDeathEcchi
Summary: Less than twenty minutes after entering the kitchen, Bowser burst back into the dining room, arms laden with covered dishes that he set down in front of Rosalina. “Hope you ain’t wearing socks, ‘cuz they’re gonna get knocked off!” the king cackled.





	A Feast Fit For King and Queen

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t recommend reading this when you’re hungry~ ;3

A pair of Goombas dove out of the way as a dinner plate shattered against the wall; a second later and their games would’ve been over.

“What the heck!?” snapped the Koopa King, gagging on the remains of his meal. “Ya call that dinner!? Bring out the head chef; I’m gonna have his head, alright!”

“I-Is everything alright, Your Ravenous?” asked Kammy, peeking out from beneath the table. “Was the food not to your liking?”

“Bah! If that was food, then Luigi’s player one; that steak tasted like burnt shoe leather!”

“...Forgive me, but how do you know what shoe leather tastes—”

“It’s a figure of speech, ya crone!”

Another day, another dinner in Bowser’s Castle. Save for the fact that the head chef’s performance seemed to be woefully below par. When dinner had been served, one bite into what the chef dared call steak and he’d almost thrown up. Bowser had eaten Poison Shrooms, Dried Shrooms, Volt Shrooms, even his greatest rivals, but the Shroom Steak served to him was a culinary slap in the face. He downed glass after glass of Chuckola Cola in an effort to wash the taste out of his mouth, while Kammy watched nervously.

The head chef crept out from the kitchen, a shaking Boo rubbing his hands together. “L-Lord Bowser? Is...was the meal not satisfactory?”

“If that ain’t the understatement of the year!” roared the king, all others in the dining hall vanishing save for Kammy. “You ready to die a second time? Because you’re FIRED!”

Rearing back, he expelled an enormous fireball at the Boo, who covered his face with his hands in the hopes death (again) would come swiftly—

“Honestly.”

There was a whoosh, a flash of sparkles, and the fireball was gone. Three pairs of eyes turned to the new arrival.

Rosalina stood in the doorway, wand held, fixing Bowser with a disapproving frown. “Dear, we _just_ had the dining hall fixed from when Junior played Chain Chomp Bowling. And trying to kill your head chef over some poor food? For shame.”

“Hey, you didn’t taste it! I wish I could regrow taste buds, ‘cuz mine definitely got the business from that.”

Rosalina’s frown deepened. Bowser’s roaring had roused her from her early nap, and she was in no mood to deal with his tantrums.

“You’re going on and on about how terrible the food is. I’d like to see _you_ do any better.”

The head chef’s eyes widened as Kammy let out a gasp. Bowser quirked an eyebrow, then smirked. “Rosie, one, no way am I gonna let the commoners taste how awesome my food is—” Rosalina rolled her eyes but said nothing. “Two, I’ve got worlds to take over; I can’t enact hostile takeover and cook at the same time. And three, I’m trying to build an economy! If I cooked, I’d put every halfway decent chef out of a job! I’ve got more heart than that.”

“Prove it, then.” Rosalina replied coolly as she folded her arms. “Walk this talk of yours.”

Bowser roared in laughter, motioning for Kammy to stand. “Hey, hag! My toque still in the kitchen?”

“Untouched, Your Boastfulness! But, are you sure? It has been some time since—”

“Hey, it’s just like stealing a bike! You never forget!”

“I’m not sure that’s the proper expression…”

Bowser stormed into the kitchen, ordering everyone out with a single yell of “SCRAM!”, Rosalina following behind with a bemused expression. She found his confidence alluring; it was one of the many things about him she loved, but she’d never seen him so much as use a microwave during their time together. Well, it was about time he got a lesson in humility. And she could always comfort him after.

At least, that’s what she thought before he put on the toque.

It was half the size of an average adult Toad but nestled perfectly onto his auburn locks like it had always belonged. He zoomed through the aisles, grabbing ingredients, pots, pans, all his massive arms could carry, turned on stoves and burners, and got to work. 

Rosalina’s look of bemusement fell to one of shock as she saw Bowser in action. His claws, though giant, moved with stunning finesse and accuracy, seasoning meats, chopping and dicing vegetables with the skill of a veteran. In short order, the kitchen was filled with the scent of delicious food. All throughout his cooking, Rosalina noticed; he never spilled a drop of water or broth, never burnt anything even lightly. He was a blur, seemingly in ten places at once.

“We shouldn’t disturb him.” said Kammy, taking the stunned Rosalina’s hand and leading her out of the kitchen. She wanted to watch the rest of the process, but Kammy seemed to know more about this than she, so better to trust her advice…

-/-/-/-/-

Less than twenty minutes after entering the kitchen, Bowser burst back into the dining room, arms laden with covered dishes that he set down in front of Rosalina. “Hope you ain’t wearing socks, ‘cuz they’re gonna get knocked off!” the king cackled.

Removing the first dish, she was astonished to see a perfectly done, golden brown Shroom Steak, the heavenly aroma nearly sending her toppling out of her chair. The dish simmered on the plate, topped with herbs and spices and garnished with a single Koopa Leaf that lended a hint of mint. 

Next was a true surprise, an old favorite from space; a Meteor Meal, stars oscillating around a gravy-soaked Mushroom that had her mouth watering and heart soaring. 

Third was a true rarity and a culinary masterpiece, a Jelly Ultra, the jelly-topped Ultra Shroom nestled on a bed of Ink Pasta and peppered with meatballs in a thick red sauce, the colors of green, yellow, red, and black a feast for the eyes as well as mouth. 

Accompanying it was a salad, cabbage, lettuce, red onions, and croutons nestled in a blue and white bowl, drizzled with Maple Syrup and chopped walnuts. And finally, for dessert, a slice of Strawberry Cake drizzled with chocolate and caramel sauce, a Bowser-shaped chocolate wafer sticking out from the top.

Rosalina was normally a woman of few words. But this time, when worlds failed her, they _failed_ her. Her mouth hung open, a thin stream of drool falling from the corner as she took in the spread before her.

“I know, I’m awesome.” smirked Bowser.

His bravado shook Rosalina from her temporary stupor, and she cleaned her throat, as well as wiped the drool away. “Y-Yes, well, it _looks_ good, but how does it taste?”

Smugly, Bowser handed her a fork and knife. “Dig in.”

Rolling her eyes again, she cut into the Shroom Steak. Anyone could make anything look good with a little practice, but his true skilled remained to be—

Her train of thought stopped on first bite. 

Flavor walloped her like a cannonball. Salty and savory, with just a taste of sweetness from the mint, the steak a perfect medium rare that melted on her tongue. Rosalina barely suppressed a sigh, and finished off the steak in only a few more bites. She dug into the Meteor Meal next, and it was better than she’d ever had back home, the Shooting Star cracking in her mouth and blending almost seamlessly with the familiar taste of the Shroom Fry. 

Her decorum and poise as a princess went out the window as she dug in, adding in bites of crispy salad. With two plates and half the salad cleared, she went for the Jelly Ultra, scarfing down noodles and meatballs like she was a starving woman having just found salvation, taking huge bites of the mushroom and salad. Garlic and pepper danced on her tongue, the meatballs perfectly chewy, the sauce zesty, the noodles carrying the brine of Blooper ink.

Nearly bursting, she had just enough room for the cake, and was grateful she had; sweet didn’t remotely describe it. Strawberry, chocolate, and caramel had her nearly floating out of her seat, and she finished it in only four bites.

Rosalina slid down in her chair, a look of sheer contentment on her face. She couldn’t even be upset at the unbelievably haughty grin Bowser was giving her, too busy wondering why she hadn’t made him cook for her before.

“Somehow…” Bowser chuckled. “‘I told you so’ just doesn’t quite say it.”

“So you can cook…and exceptionally well.” Rosalina pulled herself up. “Have I mentioned how alluring I find your confidence? And now I find something else to admire.”

“Oho?” Bowser strode over, scooping Rosalina into his arms and nuzzling her cheek. “How’s about we get to admiring upstairs?”

“I’ll expect breakfast in the morning.”

“Deal. Hey, Kammy, clear the table, huh?” With that, Bowser exited the dining hall, whispering sweet nothings in Rosalina’s ear all the while. 

END


End file.
